As a Canadian, you have to be extra vigilant. There are a lot of impostors
out there. If you suspect that someone is falsely trying to pass themselves
off as a Canadian, make the following statement ? and then carefully
note their reaction:

"Last night, I cashed my pogey and went to buy a mickey of C.C. at the beer
parlour, but my skidoo got stuck in the muskeg on my way back to the
duplex.I was trying to deke out a deer, you see. Damn chinook, melted
everything. And then a Mountie snuck up behind me in a ghost car and
gave me an impaired. I was S.O.L., sitting there dressed only in my Stanfields
and a touque at the time. And the Mountie, he's all chippy and everything, calling
me a "shit disturber" and what not. What could I say, except, "Sorry, EH!"

If the person you are talking to nods sympathetically, they're one of us.
If, however, they stare at you with a blank incomprehension, they are not
a real Canadian. Have them reported to the authorities at once.  The
passage cited above contains no fewer than 19 different Canadianisms.

In order:

* pogey: EI (Employment insurance). Money provided by the government
for not working.

* mickey: A small bottle of booze (13 oz) (A Texas mickey, on the other
hand, is a ridiculously big bottle of booze, which, despite the name, is
still a Canadianism through and through.)

* C.C.: Canadian Club, a brand of rye. Not to be confused with "hockey
stick," another kind of Canadian Club.

* beer parlour: Like an ice cream parlour, but for Canadians.

* skidoo: Self?propelled decapitation unit for teenagers, (Snow?Mobiles)

* muskeg: Boggy swampland.

* duplex: A single building divided in half with two sets of
inhabitants,each trying to pretend the other doesn't exist while at the
same time managing to drive each other crazy; metaphor for Canada's
french and english.

* deke: Used as a verb, it means "to fool an opponent through skillful
misdirection." As a noun, it is used most often in exclamatory
constructions, such as: "Whadda deke!" Meaning,  "My, what an impressive
display of physical dexterity employing misdirection and guile."

* chinook: An unseasonably warm wind that comes over the Rockies and
onto the plains, melting snow banks in Calgary but just missing Edmonton,
much to the  pleasure of Calgarians.

* Mountie: Canadian icon, strong of jaw, red of coat, pure of heart.
Always get their man! (See also Pepper spray, uses of.)

* snuck: To have sneaked; to move, past tense, in a sneaky manner;
non?restrictive extended semi?gerundial form of "did sneak." (We think.)

* ghost car: An unmarked police car, easily identifiable by its

* impaired: A charge of drunk driving. Used both as a noun and as an
adjective (the alternative adjectival from of "impaired" being "pissed
to the gills").

* S.O.L.: Shit outta luck; in an unfortunate predicament.

* Stanfields: Men's underwear, especially Grandpa?style, white cotton
ones with a big elastic waistband and a large superfluous flap in the front
and back!

* touque: Canada's official National Head Apparel, with about the same
suave sex appeal as a pair of Stanfields.

* chippy: Behaviour that is inappropriately aggressive; constantly
looking for a reason to find offense; from "chip on one's shoulder."
(See Western Canada)

* shit disturber: (See Quebec) a troublemaker or provocateur.
According to Katherine Barber, editor in Chief of the Canadian  Oxford
Dictionary,"shit disturber" is a distinctly Canadian term.    (Just remember
that Western Canada is chippy and Quebec is a shit disturber, and you
will do fine.)

*please distribute to all your patriotic Canuck friends, eh!