Posted to rec.humor.funny - enjoy:

>lacoss@cello.gina.calstate.edu (LA County Outdoor Science School) wrote:
>A friend of mine sent me this.  I have no idea where she got it.
>-------------------------------------
>
>   Diary of an AOL User.
>
>July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is
>the best online service I can get.  They even included a free disk!  I'd
>better hold onto it incase they don't ever send me anther one!  I
>can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.
>
>July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a
>modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he
>think I am?
>
>July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It
>wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
>
>July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old
>next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.
>
>July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America
>Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy.  But he
>says that's just another service. What a modest kid.  He's so smart and
>he does these services for people.  Anyway he's smarter then the jerks
>who sold me the modem. They didn't even tell me about communications
>software. Bet they didn't know. And why do they put two telephone jack
>holes in the back of a modem when you only need one?  And why do they
>have one labeled phone when you are not suppose to hook it to the phone
>jack on the wall?  I thought the dial tone sounded funny! Boy, are modem
>makers dumb!  But the kid figured it out by the sound.
>
>July 26 - What's the internet?  I thought I was on America Online. Not
>this internet thing. I'm confused.
>
>July 27 - The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this
>America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he is
>compared to me.  Maybe he's not so modest after all.
>
>July 28 - I tried to use chat today.  I tried to talk into my computer
>but nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone.
>
>July 29 - I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I'm
>connected to America Online not usenet.
>
>July 30 - These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters. 
>How do they do that?  I never figured out how to type capital letters.
>Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.
>
>JULY 31 -  I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN
>ABOUT NOT HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT WAS
>THIS CAPS LOCK KEY.  WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT A
>CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS ISNT
>THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THATS A STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I
>DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD AN
>IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS
>TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION.
>
>AUGUST 1 - I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT
>CAN ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS ABOUT
>THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.
>
>AUGUST 2 - I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS JOKE
>ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! HA!
>HA! I WASNT SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE TIMES.
>
>AUGUST 3 - I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON'T NOW SPIDERS
>GREW THAT LARGE.
>
>AUGUST 4 - THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS RUDE.
>I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO
>REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASNT SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22 MORE
>TIMES.
>
>AUGUST 5 - SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO USE
>PROFANITY.
>
>AUGUST 6 - SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES.
>WHAT A STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING!
>HOW CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?
>
>August 7 - Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it? Its
>probably an extra feature that costs more money.
>
>August 8 - I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so exited.
>I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted
>it to every newsgroup I could find.
>
>August 9 - I just made my signature file.  Its only 6 pages long. I will
>have to work on it some more.
>
>August 10 - I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few
>posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the
>earth. I wonder what an aol is.
>
>August 11 - I was asking where to find some information about something.
> Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked
>but I can't find that group.
>
>August 12 - I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking
>where the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help. I cant ask the
>kid next door. His parents said that when he comes back from my house
>he's laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his homework. So they
>wont let him come over anymore. I do have a great sense of humor. I
>don't know why the rec.humor group didn't like my chicken joke. Maybe
>they only like dirty stuff. Some people sent me posts about my 56 posts
>of the joke and they used bad words.
>
>August 13 - I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet
>asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include my
>new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will want
>to read my favorite poem so I included it. I'm also going to add that
>short story I like.
>
>August 14 - Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I
>told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.