Letterkenny

Dialogue from S01E01 "Ain't no reason to get excited"

Wayne: A couple hockey players come up the produce stand the other day. Daryl: I can’t believe your sister’s still dating these nut-sacks. Katy: Wayne. Wayne: How are you now? Katy: Good, an you? Wayne: Not so bad. Daryl: Hey Katy. Katy: Go home Daryl. Reilly: Nice onesie. Does it come in mens. Wayne: Oh I think you come in men e nuff for all of us. Reilly: I think you better come in my…I mean.. you better come a. Jonsie: I think you better come say that to his face you fucking hicks. Daryl: Nice execution. Wayne: You’re doing terrific. Jonsie: Hey, I heard about your break-up buddy. Reilly: She was your sweetie for what 5 years. Jonsie: oh your high school sweetie. Wayne: What’s it to ya. Jonsie: Heard she cheated on you buddy. Reilly: That’s a real kick in the knockers bro. Jonsie: Just a real ochie bro. Reilly: It’s too bad she taught you not to fight anymore. Jonsie: Cause that’s a fight on site for you and her new guy buddy. Reilly: fight life for life bro. Wayne: Maybe if you were ever in a real fight you might not be so keen for another. Reilly: What’d you say? Wayne: You heard me. Reilly: Hold my spitter. [Hands spitter off to Jonsie] Darts off boy. [Takes shirt off but leaves sunglasses on] You looking for a tilly buddy. Lets have a donnybrook! Daryl: Pump the breaks. You take your shirt off but leave your sunglasses on. Wayne: What sort of backwards fucking pageantry is that? Daryl: You gonna fight with those shades or play pokerstars.com? Jonsie: Hold my spitter. Reilly: Dude, I can’t hold your spitter. Jonsie: I held your spitter. Reilly: Just put the spitters down. Wayne: Tick-tock. Jonsie: Go Time. Reilly: Go Time. Daryl: Look at that fucking treasure trail. Wayne: What’s up with your body hair big shoots. You look like a twelve year old dutch girl. Your aesthetician quaf that for ya. Daryl: You can kiss my aesthetician. You guys do cross-fit? Wayne: You can cross fuck off. Daryl: Cross fart. How many times you pull your horn today bud? Reilly: What? Daryl: Ah, she’s bashful. Wayne: Ah, come on kitten I won’t tell anyone. Ball park 6 to 8. You’re a fucking animal. Daryl: Play a little five on one. Wayne: Hit the kitchen mix a batch. Daryl: Feed the ducks. Wayne: Distribute some free literature. Reilly: Go time. Jonsie: fucking shed em. Katy: Reilly Jonsie. Put your fucking shirts on and get outta here. Reilly and Jonsie: This isn’t over! Wayne: Jinx you owe me a coke. Reilly: I’ll never buy you a coke. Wayne: It’s a hard life picking stones and pulling tets but sure as gods got sandals it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails.